I'm Poor but I Still Smile

There are a lot of things that I would like to do, but can't, due to being poor. I work two jobs. I make 7.50 at one and 7.05 at the other. I pay for my own rent, tuition, groceries, bills, what have you. And yet, people still get on my case about why I've chosen not to transfer to a four year college. I am so Goddamn sick of everyone looking down upon me because after this semester, I'm only going to work. It's not that I never plan on going back to school again, it's just that right now I'm too broke. I am one of the oh, three or four people in the world who has to pay for college the old fashioned way-- with money. I'm the only person in my house who has to pay for school. Greg's parents pay for his. Dan's got a full ride. Jared has financial aid.
My parents do not pay for my college, nor did I ever expect them to. My mom bought my books for my first two semesters but since then I've taken over. It really isn't their job to make sure I get to college; however, if they aren't going to pay, they can get off my goddamn back about how i've decided not to go anymore for now.
As for a full ride, yeah right. My brain isn't the size of an industrial computer.
As for financial aid, yeah. I fucking hate financial aid. It is evil. I am still considered a dependent on my parents, just because I only just moved out in October. However, I've needed financial aid since my friggin freshman year, but they won't give it to me on account of my parents make 100,000+ a year. In case you're as rigoddamndiculously stupid as the gov't, I said my PARENTS make that much. I, on the other hand, make like 6 dollars/year. So the gov't concludes that because my parents make money, I don't need any. My parents don't pay for anything dammit! I pay for it all! Why does financial aid just assume that my parents will just give me money out of the goodness of their hearts? We work for what we want in my family, and college has been clearly stated to be something we are to pay for ourselves.
I just wish that my mom would fuckin relax though. She's all freaked out because I'm not majoring in anything because there's nothing at valley i'm remotely interested in. I'm not going to go to Western and spend 20 million dollars a semester only to decide, oh, i don't want to major in this either. I don't like to waste money like that. I don't have money to waste like that.
I've decided that the best thing for me to do right now is work. I need to work to keep up with my rent and all that junk, and not paying tuition would be beautiful, because I need to tack on medical insurance to my already long list of bills. I'd rather keep up with my rent than go live back home, because I don't exactly want to go back to 'dating' Greg. It'd be way too weird. It'd be like
"hey, what do you want to do tonight"
"remember when we used to share a bed?"

Exactly.

And honestly, the defining reason is that the thought of me not going to school doesn't shatter me. it actually makes me kind of happy. Until i figure out what i want to major in, i don't want to waste my time.
Contrary to popular belief, i like my jobs. I like working at Hardings, and i like working at waldenbooks. I love my coworkers, they're all my friends now. I like leaving work at work. I like completely forgetting about it until the next morning. I think i'd rather kill myself than work in a high-stress job. People think my job isn't important? Yeah well, you want food, don't you? Cause i could go ahead and not do my job, and you could go ahead and starve.
So i'm poor but i still smile. I don't have all the money in the world, but i have a fantastic love and a stress-free, physical job. I keep in shape and i eat healthy because i can't afford fast food. I keep strict tabs on my budget and I carefully examine everything i plan to buy. Yeah, it can be annoying sometimes, but at least i'm not ending up with a bunch of shit i don't need. It's amazing what we don't need. You'd be surprised how little we actually have to have. I'm so poor. But you know whats cool? I'm so happy. You should try being a hippie too.
It's great to get over the so-called importance of go-to-college-get-a-degree-find-some-job-go-and-die.
I mean, i'm sure that someday i'll do all those things.
Just not in that order.

These are my favorite Beatles songs

In no particular order.


I Am The Walrus
While My Guitar Gently Weeps
Norwegian Wood
Here Comes the Sun
Day Tripper
Let It Be
Magical Mystery Tour
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Day In the Life
Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da
Back in the USSR
Blackbird
Helter Skelter
Lady Madonna
Eleanor Rigby
Strawberry Fields Forever
Octopus's Garden
Good Day Sunshine
You've Got To Hide Your Love Away
The Long and Winding Road

And now i've got to run. If i've forgotten any of your favorites, please share them with me now.

I Like Rene Magritte

I've come to the conclusion that Rene Magritte is my favorite artist. I mean, i guess i never really thought about it much but i was just reviewing some of his work a bit ago, and man, i fucking love surrealism. I just wanted to share some paintings with you.


http://www.cultkanaal.nl/Kunst/magritte1959.jpg
This is my favorite. it just strikes me.

Here are some others....

http://www.fantasyarts.net/Magritte/red_model_small.jpg
http://www.schaefer-westerhofen.de/Eva/magritte2.jpg
http://www.cultkanaal.nl/Kunst/magritte1945.jpg
http://sfmoma.org/images/ma/exhib_detail/magritte_la_chambre.gif
http://www.ac-amiens.fr/pedagogie/arts_plastiques/capes04/magritte2.jpg


i hope you enjoyed your brief lesson in surrealism.

I Smell Like a Wet Dog

It's true. It's raining out, and it's really just quite unpleasant. So i get to sit here in the computer lab, smelling weird, waiting for my next class to start so I can further spread my strange smell to others.
Have you ever considered that it might be possible that you are the only person on earth with a brain?
I have.
But moving on.
I can't write. I'm flipping out, because i promised i'd have a new story coming, and i just can't pull it out of my ass. I've written 12 pages and I still don't have enough to make a semi-comprehensible chapter. And i certainly can't just give one chapter and then not update for like 3 months because at this rate, that is how long its going to take me to shit out another page. I just don't have time! Even on spring break i got too much shit to do. maybe i can manage a page. Maybe i can manage to know what i'm doing, since i don't even have that. I'm just having trouble making people wary of this character. I think i'm on the right track, but i don't him to obviously be a psycho murderer. Whatever. Not even saying anything.
I love America's Next Top Model, how sick is that? Like disease sick, not awesome sick, because it is kind of embarrassing. Almost more embarrassing than me watching The Young and the Restless, which, by the way, HOWTHEFUCKINGFUCKISCARMENSTILLALIVEIFJANAFUCKING
KILLEDHER!?!?!?!?WHATISGOINGON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good luck deciphering that.
I'll be back when i have something worthwhile to note.

I Love the Beatles, Oh Yes its True

Some of you may be wondering (or maybe not) why I love the Beatles. In fact, i'm sure many of you didn't even realize i actually like the Beatles. WELL NOW YOU KNOW!! And we were talking about them extensively in my History of Rock and Roll class tonight. So I went over the major reasons why they are important to me.
The thing that impresses me most was their incredible growth throughout their career. What sort of band can start with a song like "Love Me Do" and end with "The Long and Winding Road"? I mean, the progression is unbelieveable. Compare "Meet the Beatles" with "Sgt. Pepper's" IS THIS EVEN THE SAME BAND!?
I don't even care that they had to drop some acid in order for many of their songs to even happen. I'm glad they dropped acid! They needed to do acid! Drugs did outstanding things for them! Props to Bob Dylan for opening their eyes to weed.
I also cannot believe what a dramatically changing fanbase they had throughout their career and now. When they first arrived on the scene, it was screaming teeneyboppers, and when they ended, they were more of a man's group. One spectrum to the other. just SWOOSH ok we're done singing love me do, on to I am the Walrus bitches!!
In 1964, Hit Parade's top 5 songs were all beatles songs. 1 through 5. Can you believe that? it had never happened before and will almost certainly never happen again. That in itself is freakin ridiculous.
Seriously, even if you don't like the beatles, you've gotta acknowledge what they did for music. Ozzy Osbourne wouldn't be around without the Beatles, and without Ozzy, HIM wouldn't be around, which would be a travesty! I mean, i'm not exactly personally thanking the Beatles for HIM, but come on man, chain of events. The Beatles should be thanked for everything.

A Study of Love (and alcohol)

A Study of Love (and alcohol)

Yes, I really am taking a class called "A Study of Love". You should really take it if you find a chance. Anyway, today we were discussing spring break and all those people that run off to exotic places to get drunk and be whores and all that fun stuff. I felt a bit out of place, being that A. i'm not going anywhere but work over spring break, and B. i am straightedge.
A. Who really has the time/money to go somewhere over spring break? I had a hard enough time fitting in time to go to Target to get a sponge this week, let alone go on a fuckin vacation. When i hear "spring break", my initial thought is "YES! more time for work! more money!" NOT "yay drunk time!" I can't afford to go somewhere for spring break!! I have more important things to worry about, like rent and food.
B. Being sxe is difficult at this age. Not difficult because I have trouble fulfilling it, because i don't and never have, its just the other people that ridicule you for not filling your body with poison every chance you can. I'm being ridiculed for not drinking and smoking and being a whore, who'da thunk? It's not even that i'm sxe, its that i am just too classy to put myself in a situation where i am out of control and putting myself out there to be taken advantage of. I am too much of a lady to purposely put myself in that position just so i have some sort of "excuse" to be completely obnoxiously wild. So what if i don't want to behave like a trashy, vomit-in-the-hair slut? Isn't that a good thing? Now you know i don't have herpes. Or is that what we're looking for on spring break? Cause all these "who can have sex with the most girls" contests that guys have could also be called "how many STDs can i contract in one night"
"Ok guys, this week's std is syphalis, GO!" Yeah, right.

So listening to all these girls talk about how its fun to get drunk and have an "excuse" for your behaviour is simply embarrassing. For them and for me, to have to sit there and be unintentionally wrapped up in that stereotype (it wouldn't be a stereotype if it didn't have truth so i'm not saying it's not true for a lot of women; it's just not true for me). My teacher asked, "what makes women do that?" and nobody had an answer. Every girl immediately turned it around to blame the men. "Well the guys do the same thing, why aren't we asking them"
Ok, girls, first of all, unless someone slipped you a rufie, you weren't physically forced to down 10 shots and dance on the table without a shirt on. No man made you do that, you did that on your own will and choice. You want equality? Stop blaming males, blame yourself. You can't say "oh it was a man's influence" because that is just proving that we aren't equal, if you aren't willing to take responsibility and ownership of your own actions. It's nobody's fault but your own, not even peer pressure's. You have a brain. Use it. The excuse "well, everyone else was doing it" just isn't an excuse to sacrifice your dignity. This isn't Brave New World. We're a bit more evolved than the lemmings, so grow up and own your actions.

I have to go to class now.

Orig posted: Nov 15 Title: You May Feel a Little Sick

Pink Floyd was purposely disregarded as one of the most influential albums of all time. The writer of the article actually said "Pink Floyd is not on this list, as it should be."
Tell me, why should they be disregarded? Because everyone listens to them? How in any way does that make them UNinfluential? The mere fact that people still know who they are and still acknowledge the band as "is" not "was" says a lot. Dark Side of the Moon spent years on the billboard top 100. YEARS! not 3 weeks, not a few months, but YEARS.

oh, and according to dan, there are now apparently more than 500 days in the year.

Anyway, TIME is acting like a 16 year old hipster who won't listen to bands after more than 25 people know who they are and they don't perform in their sister's basement anymore. People like that suck and don't actually like anything, theyre too preoccupied with being different and cool and mysterious. TIME, you are NOT a mysterious hipster! You are a magazine, and you should know very well that discluding pink floyd is like discluding rolling stones or the beatles. If you had ignored either of those you'd probably be sued or something.

So anyway, TIME's website was taking comments on this so this was mine:

How can Pink Floyd possibly be ignored as one of the most influetial bands of all time? Did we completely forget about The Wall? Dark Side of the Moon? Animals? Or perhaps that DSOTM spent oh, half my life on the billboard 100. How many bands wouldn't even exist if it weren't for Pink Floyd? I believe that is the definition of 'influential'.
Also, Elvis Presley listed during the 1990s and 2000s is simply ridiculous. Elvis didn't actually record any new music during the 90s and 2000s on account of being dead. Sorry guys, Elvis is actually no longer living.
You guys at TIME should just stick to the GOP crisis and leave music to Rolling Stone.


None of you guys really listen to music and so you probably don't care but really, its pretty outrageous. I mean, any band that can make an album into a 2 hour music video deserves at least a speck of recognition.

that's my story.

Orig posted: 2-5-07 Title: Why I hate Games Express: An Essay

First off: i'd like to apologize for any words that don't exactly make sense (for example, the word 'doucheface' anywhere you think 'fuck' should be) because Dan fails.


This was originally written when i was at work at, you guessed it, Games Express, the other day and I was just reflecting on how much i hate working down there.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love working at waldenbooks. I love that job, i love donna, i love pretty much everything about it. Except Games Express. That stupid little kiosk. I hate it. Working down there after being up at Calendars is like being demoted. It really sucks. Let me give you a few reasons why i hate Games Express.
See, it really isn't even the kiosk i hate so much. It's its location and everything around it contributing to make it one big crappy place.
First, i hate the lights. I always forget to turn them on. It's just annoying to remember an hour later and stupidly turn on the lights in the middle of the day, and its even more annoying when someone like, my BOSS, comes down and reminds me and its like MOTHERDAMN!
Second.
Abercrombie. I hate that douche face store. What is their deal, anyway? Its like hey, we're abercrombie, we play really shitastic music really loudly. Why do they play such bad music? Seriously, do they just go through these really long lists of rejected songs and put them all on their playlists to play over and over again, assailing my ears? I think it is their personal mission to destory my hearing. Have you even heard some of those lyrics?
I'M SO LUCKY LUCKY I'M SO LUCKY LUCKY I'M SO LUCKY LUCKY I'M SO LUCKY LUCKY
you get the idea.
They also play the song where the old man is dancing at six flags. I rest my case.
Another thing about Abercrombie. The cologne. What is their deal with the cologne. First off, it STINKS. Secondly, do you realize that they spray that nasty smelling crap all over their freaking clothes? That's just gross!! Its like, la la, working at the mall, OH GOD MY FACE!!! ITS MELTING!!! ABERCROMBIE GOT THE COLOGNE OUT!! Seriously, its like at the produce section at a grocery store, when they spray the vegetables! its rigoddamndiculous! Do they have the cologne up in their sprinkler system or something? Yeah, That's not flammable.

Moving on.

Ok, so this isn't much of an issue anymore since christmas is, you know, over, but santa. Holy god.
Not even Santa. its the parents who drag their kids in to see santa. They want to see santa more than the freakin kids! Half those children are terrified of Santa! I mean, it makes sense, your parents constantly tell you that if you talk to strangers you'll get brutally raped and murdered, and then they try to shove you into some fat guy's lap for pictures, seeming to take joy in your pain. I'd be scared too. So you get these eccentric, crazyass moms who can't understand why their 2 year old is crying and they start screaming at them ITS JUST SANTA YOU DUMB BRAT! which just kind of upsets the toddler more, i mean, come on now.
I just can't believe how dumb parents can be when it comes to their children and pictures. theyre like the hollywood moms who are trying to live through their kids, except its just a santa clause in the mall. ok moms, just fulfill your fantasies, go sit in the fat man's lap and just get it over with. its ok.
Another thing. those pagers. When things got really busy, the santa helpers handed out pagers so that people didn't have to wait in line for 2 hours, and could instead shop for 2 hours and come back when their pager beeped. Kinda like a restaurant. We're all familiar with that, right? I thought so too.
Apparently i didn't realize how difficult a pager can actually be. Ok, so i just thought, you know, you take the pager. You wait for the pager to beep. You return with pager.
Seemingly simple.

WRONG.

See, this is what you really do. You take the pager with a look of sheer bewilderment, asking why you can't just see santa now. The hostess explains to you that there is a 2 hour wait, which you don't understand because there's like 10 people in line. The hostess, whos becoming a real bitch at this point!, explains that these people have been waiting for 2 hours as well and to just take the pager and we'll page you when we're ready" and so you call her a few names and yell at her for inconveniencing you and all sorts of other things that are completely out of her control. You and your five screaming snotty whiny brats take one lap around macy's and return, thrusting the pager in the bitchy hostess's face.
"did it go off?" she asks.
"no," you reply, all ghettoass and attitude. "Was it supposed to?"
you look on in confusion as the hostess bangs her head on the counter.

This happened several times a day. I can't even imagine what it must've been like to be that hostess. I really felt bad for the girl.
Then you get the people who use location as a reason they should see santa first. The "But i came from ___________!!" people. There was one lady, she was like "2 HOURS? But i came all the way from THREE RIVERS!"

oh man, three rivers! that IS a trek!! How did you get here, covered wagon? WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU!? so you spent 10 minutes on the highway, so douche face what? Maybe, just MAYBE, you shouldn't have come at three o'clock in the afternoon on the saturday before christmas, nidiot.

I hate people.

I hate people and all the frucking retarded things they do, especially while at the cash register. Here are the things that drive me absolutely bizonkers.
example 1:

Me: Will that be all?
Them: yes
Me: Are you sure?
Them: Yes
Me: Are you absolutely POSITIVELY positive this is ALL you want.
Them: Yes
Me: ::pushes 'total'::
Them: oh, can i add these five things?
Me: No.

Example 2:
Me: That'll be 16.38
Them: ::hands me $20::
Me: Out of twenty?
Them: ::nod, looking unsure::
Me: ::stands still, holding the twenty and staring at the person for around 45 minutes, waiting, terrified, knowing whats coming....enters '2000' in the box and cringes and pushes 'cash'::
Them: oh, i think i have some change.


WHAT!? CHANGE? ARE YOU SERIOUS? IT TOOK YOU 2 HOURS TO FRIGGIN COUNT OUT 38 CENTS? NO! NO CHANGE! WRONG! YOU'RE GETTING CHANGE AND YOU ARE GONNA LIKE IT, BITCH!!!!

I hate when people do shit like that! ok, just let me clarify, our cash registers are not exactly things of the 21st century. More like machines that Jesus may have used to ring up tables at his carpenter business. and we cannot just push backspace on account of people being retarded!!! goddammit, i have to give reasons when i have to void a sale, and most of the time its "customer is mentally challenged".
God.

Ok, well those are my three main things. Here are a few smaller things that make me want to puke on someone's face.

The ps3. I don't mind the ps3 so much. It's just that a lot of the time its not on. AND PEOPLE STILL TRY TO PLAY IT. hello! its douche face off! what the heck does a blank tv screen mean to you, stupid!?

People who ask if i've played the games here. Yes, nidiot, all douche face 600 of them. This is what i do with my time. I open product and play with it. Go kill yourself.

Guess. Guess and their enormous stupid lady poster blocking the store. Their freakin elephant nosebleed purses. Is that actually luggage in the display window, or is it a handbag. I CAN'T TELL.

The tarps that cover the kiosk What is up with those douche face sharp plastic things? i've stabbed myself like 39 times on those! Good lord, the bag they go in is completely annahilated! There's no point in even using the bag!

The 'That's so raven' card game. look at the cover of that game. LOOK AT HER FACE.

People who try to return stuff.
WE DON'T DO RETURNS.
It says that on your receipt, on an official store poster taped to the register, and on about 30 different man-made signs posted randomly. WE DO NOT GIVE REFUNDS! WHAT PART OF THAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND! i don't care who you got the game from for christmas and that it sucks! i don't care! maybe you shouldn't have bought joel olsteen's your best life now! sure i havent played it but i coulda told you it would suck hairy balls! sorry! outta luck man! deal with it! goddammit, its not hard to figure out! EXCHANGES ONLY! douche face!

And really, that about covers it.
This was a long one!!
I hope you all enjoyed my first really long blog.

Orig date: 2-2-07. Title: SEX

I thought that'd get your attention.

Anyway, you know one thing i hate and i wish we would've left back in high school?
(not that its very relevant since kvcc is highschool part b)

Group projects.
I hate group projects.
I especially hate group projects such as the one we're doing in psy 170, that involve the 2 things i hate the most about said group projects.
1. everyone in the group receiving the same grade
2. everyone has to write part of the paper.

I hate number 1 because there will always be the one person who does literally nothing the entire time and still receives a good grade because the rest of us work our asses off.

I hate number 2 because having 4-5 different people write an 8 page paper is like looking at a painting done by 5 different people. some parts will be good, other parts will look like diarrhea. Its amazing how many people in college can't write worth a damn.

Generally i hate working with other people, especially people i don't know. So when they say, 'oh lets just do stds, thats easy' i can't really respond with 'oh yeah sure, but i was thinking something more along the lines of...interesting...and....thought provoking. But hey, whatever you want'.

STDS! How orignial! I bet our teacher has NEVER read a paper on STDs before. Don't you think that's a little, oh, BROAD? The other girls were like 'yeah, i think we can get 8 pages on stds' (8 page requirement) and i'm thinking to myself, 'yeah, its not like there have been books dedicated to stds or anything, i bet we can manage 8 pages double spaced. gee'

See, if i'm going to do a semester-long research project, i want to do something INTERESTING. The first idea one of the girls in our group came up with was transgender issues. Now i thought that was a great idea. It's thought-provoking, something the general public doesn't know much about, and its still considered a social taboo. It's INTERESTING. The other people were concerned that we wouldnt be able to get 8 pages out of it. Hello!? what kind of paper are you writing? have you never written a research paper before? I could get 8 pages out of simply talking about how society feels about transgender issues for douche face. Double spaced, kids! Its like four pages!
So we're probably gonna end up doing the cop-out 8th grade STD lame-O presentation, and i'll be done in about 20 minutes since i can pull most of it out of my ass from what i learned in douche face freshman focus.
Shame on me for wanting to learn something new!!